Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize