I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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