That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
