so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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