don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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