I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
