Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
