well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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