and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
