i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
