he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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