in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
did i just pee glitter
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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