guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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