I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
