I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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