Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
