ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize