Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
