I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize