every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
