got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
