I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
