guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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