Having a random hookup so left but love u
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
