just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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