I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
