I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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