I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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