i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
