You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize