I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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