THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
