I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
