So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
