I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize