i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
