did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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