The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
