My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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