I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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