i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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