i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
