That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
