i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
