There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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