There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Green mimosas i think yes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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