we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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