Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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