so explain again why im purple
no
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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