He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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