She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
