Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
