I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
