But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
