i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
are you so shy because you have an std?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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