Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
