Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
