someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize