i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
