Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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