do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
