Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
