i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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