His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
