If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
