she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
