According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
