Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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