well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
